SPORTS
Hua Hin Hash House Harriers
Saturday 27th October saw the usual suspects and a few unusual ones - remember this is a FREE BEER run - assemble for H2H3’s Hash Run No. 108 at a venue just off Soi 134 near the Sea Ridge building site. After some discussion it was decided not to re-arrange our title HASH to HHSA for Hua Hin Sub Aqua despite the prevailing climatic conditions. Delay followed delay but at last and somewhat grudgingly a start was made along a trail that had been laid by Slackbladder and Mudman with minimal mutual consultation.
So the happy Ha Ha Hashers set off, glissading across the slick mud until they reached a comparatively primrose path with pleasant panoramic prospects. This was of course the wrong trail so it was about turn and back to the muck and thorns of the real trail with the added hazard of frequent barbed wire obstacles to negotiate. What with all that barbed wire and mud-filled trenches all we needed was a couple of steel helmets and we could have been in a World War Won movie.
Then in an attempt to raise our morale and everything else the trail began to move into uphill mode. The paper we had been told to look out for was about as prevalent as pedestrians on Aberdeen’s Union Street on a flag day but unfortunately the red ribbons hanging from convenient vegetation were conspicuous enough to keep us reasonably honest. As the trail grew steeper and breathing became as laboured as these attempts at humour we came ACROSS two pieces of wood with red ribbon attached laid out in the shape of ACROSS. Most Hashers were in such dire condition by now that they mistook the RED CROSS for a casualty clearing station and began to form a disorderly queue for heart transplants and iron lungs. Finally the voice of sanity or in this case a rather alarmed Mudman (how apposite can a name be?) roaring in stentorian tones “On back! The RED CROSS is a false trail” Sometimes that chap says the nicest things. So back down to earth and more easily manageable terrain and a gathering sense of relief that the worst was over and then BANG - Slackbladder the Sadist strikes again and plunges us down into another muddy trench. This one was so deep that it was like peering (with or without an r) into the abyss. Of course from the bottom of an abyss the only way is up, and up, and up. Heaven-bound once more the only consolation was that some considerate being (obviously not a Hare) had laid pieces of building material to form a stairway. It was a nice thought but an escalator would have been more appropriate.
All good things must come to an end as thankfully so do uphill slopes and soon we crested and commenced the downhill back to the level and a final slither across the ooze. As that motley mud-spattered crew congregated round the beer truck the expression Hash Browns took on a whole new meaning!!
A Circle was formed. Sparky and Miss Snickers were down-downed as Front Running Bounder and First Bint Back respectively. Scotch Tape and Brambles Bill were down-downed for excessive use of vituperation when describing the trail. A canine friend of Butt Out and Peaches was down-downed as a visitor or a virgin or both and displayed exquisite manners and an impressive capacity for drink. Old MacDonald left the farm to make a welcome return to H2H3 and we were all too polite to remark on the COINCIDENCE? that he was just in time for a FREE BEER run.
Eventually Slackbladder closed the circle and set us free to seek the solace and sausages of the Pan Ding Ton restaurant for the ON-ON.
EXTREME UNCTION or THE 2007 YEAR ITCH
There was a young lady from Natchez
Whose body was covered in scratches
When asked “Do they itch?”
She replied “Like a bitch!”
It’s because she went out on the Hashes.
This traditional Oriental incantation was translated from the vernacular by an eminent Farang etymologist to commemmorate the 109th Hash Run of H2H3 held on 10th November 2007. Because the hyper-insensitive hares Ballbanger and Butt Out did not recognise the extremely dangerous plant ITCHY HAIR BEAN which is a close cousin of deadly nightshade, bellladonna, poison ivy and “the Triffids” all Hashers were put at risk by being exposed to this virulent contaminator. Although the Hashers did not necessarily recognise the plant by sight they were soon to become cognisant of its propensities when they were afflicted by an itch of a definitely non-sexual nature after coming in contact with it.
The Hash set off from a well-placed viewpoint just outside town on the left of Soi 88 that affords a wonderful vista of the southern part of Hua Hin and its environs as well as some splendid seascapes. Down a slippery slope, along a well-defined track then up through the bush but not as second guessers expected towards the “High Sierra”. Instead the trail followed along a shelf towards an area reminiscent of the “Lost Continent”. This was jungly bush of the first order and one would not have been surprised to come across a “Livingstone” or indeed a “Deadwood”! This terrain was eminently suited to U.S.Marines or any other wearers of “Shoes of Triple E”
Inevitably we reached a barbed -wire fence - the Hua Hin Hash has such a predilection for barbed-wire and such an aversion to cows that they must all be refugee nesters from “Oklahoma”. unlike the lusty lads and lasses of Cha Am Hash who are ineluctably cowboys after last week when we just missed the “3.10 to Yuma” then had to go “Across The Wide Missouri” before fetching up at the “Wild Wild West” for the ON ON courtesy of Space Cowboy and The Mingster.
Enough of this delightful digression - back to the other side of the barbed-wire where things became a little easier as we passed by the mausoleums and overlooked the level lake and had a view in the distance of the entrance gateway to this area at the foot of the hill. More of that anon. It was another false dawn because soon we were back in the big bad bush again before encountering another barbed-wire fence which, thankfully offered egress from this botanical wilderness of poisonous plants on to an incomparably clear and comfortable path.
Now came the parting of the ways. The runners raced riotously away to the right while the walkers winced warily and wearily the other way and ambient conditions improved immeasurably. After a couple of kilometres we found ourselves passing the front gates which we had seen from a distance earlier from the other side of the property. Despite the gates being locked tight had we known the course of the trail we could have taken the Short Cut to end all Short Cuts by heading straight to the gates and scaling them by means of a human pyramid - a veritable “Great Escape”. This possibility would not have occurred to our hares because being persons of lesser stature they could not have reached the top even by standing on each other’s head.
A relatively straightforward ON IN led us back to the beer truck where symptoms were compared of the ravishes wrought by the poisonous plant. Extreme unction was administered in many cases but the more hardy Hashers stuck to the time-honoured remedy of rubbing alcohol - across the teeth, tongue, tonsils, and tummy internally. Unfortunately this form of treatment became so prevalent that a shortage of suitable medication arose and the traditional Down Down rituals were abandoned in favour of a hasty retreat to Khun Oy restaurant for sustenance and more medication.
Hua Hin Pool League
At press time we had not been provided with up to date league tables, so the final standings will (hopefully) be available in the January issue, as there were only two more matches to be played in the league. The only fixtures in December are in the two knockout competitions, as follows:
Weds, Dec 05, 2007
Cup and Shield Semi Finals
Weds, Dec 12, 2007
Cup and Shield Finals
An individual’s tournament has not yet been announced, but if it happens this will be in a different format to previous years due to the problems the old format caused. Again, hopefully more details in the next issue. Watch this space!
Hua Hin Darts
Division 1
Team P W D L PF-PA Pts
JW Red 3 3 0 0 20-10 6
JW Black 3 2 1 0 21-9 5
Jungle Juice 3 2 0 1 22-8 4
Dicks Office A 3 2 0 1 17-13 4
CAT 3 1 1 1 15-15 3
Pink Flamingo 3 1 0 2 11-19 2
Jaew Bar 3 0 0 3 7-23 0
Bamboo Grove 3 0 0 3 7-23 0
Division 2
Team P W D L PF-PA Pts
Eero 3 2 0 1 17-13 4
Lazy Daze 3 1 2 0 17-13 4
Mojos Trio 2 2 0 0 14-6 4
Dicks Office B 3 1 1 1 17-13 3
Love Bar 2 1 0 1 8-12 2
Good Friends 3 0 1 2 11-19 1
Déjà vu 2 0 0 2 6-14 0
Bamboo Shoots 0 0 0 0 0-0 0
Top 10 - Division 1
Name Bar Sgl Dbls Ton’s Clss 180s Pts
Stuart JJ 15 15 24 13 0 67
Tao CAT 10 9 15 9 0 43
Dicky JWB 10 9 13 9 0 41
Supee JWR 15 9 6 10 0 40
Jim DOA 10 9 7 9 1 36
M JWR 15 6 6 8 0 35
Tao JWB 10 9 9 7 0 35
Ian DOA 10 6 13 6 0 35
Golf PF 5 9 10 9 0 33
Anna JWR 5 9 9 7 0 30
Noi CAT 5 6 13 6 0 30
Top 6 - Division 2
Name Bar Sgl Dbls Ton’s Clss 180s Pts
Bon DOB 10 15 5 11 0 41
Martin LD 15 6 7 10 0 38
Eero E 10 15 3 10 0 38
Ben DOB 5 15 8 9 0 37
Heikke E 10 12 2 7 0 31
Mick MJ 10 6 5 6 0 27
The draw for the cup:
Home - Away
Pink Flamingo - Eero, Bamboo Shoots - Good Friends, Mojos - Déjà vu, Lazy Daze - Dicks Office B, Cat - Jaew, Dicks Office A - JW Red, JW Black - Bamboo Grove, Jungle Juice - Love Bar
Games to be played on Tuesday 27th November.
December fixtures
Week 6 – 4th December 2007
Division 1
Jungle Juice v Bamboo Grove, Jaew v CAT, JW Red v JW Black, Pink Flamingo v Dicks Office A
Division 2
Dicks Office B v Eero, Bamboo Shoots v Good Friends, Love Bar v Lazy Daze, Déjà vu v Mojos Trio
Week 7 – 11th December 2007
Division 1
Bamboo Grove v Dicks Office A, JW Black v Pink Flamingo, CAT v JW Red, Jungle Juice v Jaew
Division 2
Eero v Mojos Trio, Lazy Daze v Déjà vu, Good Friends v Love Bar, Dicks Office B v Bamboo Shoots
Week 8 – 18th December 2007
Division 1
Jaew v Bamboo Grove, JW Red v Jungle Juice, Pink Flamingo v CAT, Dicks Office A v JW Black
Division 1
Bamboo Shoots v Eero, Love Bar v Dicks Office B, Déjà vu v Good Friends, Mojos Trio v Lazy Daze
Market Village Cup
The Hua Hin Market Village Cup 2007 Futsal competition is taking place between 1st November and 22nd December, with 140 teams competing at two venues every Wednesday, Stamford University and Hua Hin Market Village. The Observer is sponsoring one of the teams which is comprised of players from the tourist police, and pictured here. The competition is in it’s second year and is supporting an anti drugs campaign.
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