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Oscar Bait 
In the old Soviet Union, there were two major newspapers.
Both, naturally, were run by the Communist Party. One was called Pravda
(The Truth), the other, Izvestsia (The News). The joke on the street was
that in The News there was no truth, and in The Truth there was no news.
Sound familiar?
Don't worry, money and great prizes can be won from both paradox and hypocrisy.
Let's take the Spratly Islands. Why not? Everybody else wants to. It's all
illegal and perfectly media-friendly. I tried to find them on a map the
other day. It took a while. Oh, there they are. Believe me, they are nowhere
near China.
However, China is very big, and the other contenders are very small. Land
claims from ancient maps, and from ancient peoples, have always been at
best dubious, and at worst emotional. Result? Trouble - and a godsend to
the legal business. World courts are used, expensive lawyers are hired,
and the press presses.
And these days everyone is doing it; comfort women, Australian Aboriginals,
and large ocean-going mammals are all putting in their claims. But just
how far can you go back in time to claim injustice?
"Look, the ale was just kicking in. T'was sometime in 1066, methinks.
We were just sitting peacefully on the beach at Hastings in England, enjoying
our rat-on-a-stick picnic, and the next moment, these yobs with appalling
haircuts hit the beach. Next thing we knew, our mate Harold had an arrow
in his left eye and was screaming, "What French hooligan threw that
. . .?"
Result? Nine centuries of mutual insults hurled across the Channel, and
I end up with a French surname.
So what are you doing on the weekend? Come on, let's take the Spratlys before
anyone else does. What the hell! It'll soon be called the Splatlys before
long anyway. We could pretend we were Greenpeace. No we couldn't. Forget
that; I own them money. You see, I cuffed one of their canvassers when he
knocked on my door at 8 a.m. on a Sunday morning. He had long hair and I
couldn't see his face. I thought he was a crazed Jehovah's Witness. Well,
what would you have done?
Anyhow, Greenpeace are too politically correct, and they are never wrong.
I'm neither of these things. So, what we will do is get smart and make a
movie out of it as we invade.
In the immortal words of Carl Sagan: "Come with me."
Our picture opens on a turquoise sea. Sigourney Weaver, mohawked and saddled
on a killer whale, called Kill Willy, emerges next to one pathetic hump
of sand in the ocean upon which four Chinese soldiers are trying to erect
a television aerial. She smirks, and they freak and jump into the water.
She submerges, follows, and it's lunch for the whale.
It's disturbing, but timely. It's Oscar bait.
The camera then pans to another Chinese-occupied blip of land deeper into
the Splatly claim. The commander, whose name is Wun Hung Bak, is a militant
but well-meaning guy. But he has an evil streak owing to the loss of his
left eye in a laboratory experiment in Shanghai in 1962. It is covered by
a patch, ingeniously fashioned from the sloughed husk of a favourite tarantula.
He has more hair in his ears than he does on his head.
To a hip-hop soundtrack, Sigourney emerges once more, erect on the whale.
She is powerful. Wun Hung Bak wheels around and spots her with his good
eye.
"Ah, so we meet again old friend, eh?"
He immediately launches himself into one of those ridiculous twenty-foot
Kung Fu backward somersaults, and lands on his sword at exactly the same
place he started.
Sigourney is unmoved, but stiffens at the sight of the approaching ships.
Dramatic pan to Splatly panorama. Sigourney, using only a blowgun and a
flare, takes out the entire Chinese deep-water navy. It's action. It's nineties.
It's Eco-Aliens with a Guerrillas In The Mist twist.
Of course there'll be dolphin-related casualties and heavy gunfire, but
it's topical. It's worth a fortune in baseball cap and T-shirt contracts.
When the greenies arrive to congratulate her, she blows them away too, mouthing,
"Hippy wimps . . . " as she slowly disappears beneath the waves.
final scene. Sigourney, now peroxide blonde, triumphant, and astride her
whale, cruises up the Chao Phraya river, where they receivea dramatic welcome
just opposite The Oriental Hotel. There's thunderous applause, the teenagers
scream, the paparazzi snap, and the whale blows water on cue. Sigourney
holds her blowgun aloft in triumph.
But unknown to her and the crowd, a soured, female English language teacher
with distressed hair and a chin that shows no signs of coming out of the
recession, edges towards the river with a sawn-off shot-gun.
So how was your week?
By Roger Beaumont
Available
at Bookazine
The Damsel Of Death
Meet Aileen Wuornos, the USA's infamous female serial killer
By David Cocksedge
FEMALE SERIAL KILLERS are rare. The vast majority
of them have resorted to poisons to kill their victims who were usually
known to them. Aileen Wuornos used a small calibre handgun to dispose
of seven (or eight) strangers during her "career" as a truckstop
hooker. And she only killed men. That made her unusual, and the subject
of great media interest in the USA. She also made colourful and profane
outbursts in several courtrooms, and currently faces execution on Florida's
death row, the recipient of six death sentences as her appeal to the US
Supreme Court awaits a hearing.
Crime historians agree that Wuornos never enjoyed many breaks in her sad
and violent life. She was born in 1956, the daughter of Dale Pittman and
Diane Wuornos (aged 15), who separated a few months before Aileen first
saw daylight. Her father, a child molester and sociopath, was killed by
fellow inmates whilst in prison in 1969. Aileen and her brother Keith
were fostered out to their maternal grandparents, Lauri and Britta Wuornos
in 1960, at Troy, Michigan. Aileen fell pregnant at the age of fourteen
and was sent to an unwed mothers' home for the duration of the pregnancy.
Staff there found her hostile and uncooperative. Her son was put up for
adoption in January 1971. When Britta Wuornos died that July, Aileen,
now known as "Lee", dropped out of school, left home and drifted
into an unstable life of hitchhiking, petty crime and prostitution.
She briefly married Lewis Fell in 1976, but the relationship ended in
divorce after he claimed that she squandered his money and lashed him
with a chain when he refused to give her any more. She then blew through
her recently dead brother's life insurance claim of $10,000 before serving
time for armed robbery in Dade County. On her release she went back to
renting out her body to interstate truck drivers, and then met Tyria Moore
(24) at a Daytona gay bar in 1986. Tyria was a motel maid and the lesbian
love of Lee's life. Later, the press dubbed them the "real life Thelma
and Louise" after the famous Ridley Scott movie of that name. They
lived together until December 1990 in cheap motels, turning tricks to
keep themselves in cash. On 30 November 1989 Aileen Wuornos turned to
murder.
Her first victim was Richard Mallory (51) a self-employed electronics
repairman who was known for his hard-drinking and sordid sex habits. His
Cadillac car had been abandoned outside Daytona and his decomposing body
was found by Interstate 95 in Volusia County, Florida on 13 December 1989.
He had been shot three times with a .22 calibre weapon and robbed of his
money, watch, camera and radar detector.
The bodies began to pile up. On 5 May 1990, an unidentified male corpse
was discovered in Brooks County, Georgia close to Interstate 75 with two
.22 slugs in his head. The Georgia Bureau of Investigation had no leads
as to the identity of this "John Doe". On 1 June, another naked
male body was found in woods at Citrus County, Florida. This turned out
to be David Spears of Bradenton, a truck driver last seen on 19 May. His
vehicle had been ransacked and abandoned on Interstate 75. Then on 6 June
the decomposing corpse of Charles Carskaddon was found in Pasco County,
again off Interstate 75. No less than nine .22 rounds had been pumped
into him. Florida police began to observe a pattern emerging in the violent
deaths of male motorists in the area.
The first breakthrough for investigating police forces of Georgia and
Florida was on 4 July when "Lee" Wuornos and Tyria Moore crashed
a car near Orange Springs, and hastily abandoned the vehicle. It was a
1988 Pontiac Sunbird which belonged to Peter Siems, who had disappeared
on 7 June after leaving his home in Jupiter, Florida to visit relatives
in Arkansas. The body of this 65-year-old Christian minister has never
been found. There is nothing in his record to suggest that he ever made
use of roadside prostitutes, but he must have met the "Damsel of
Death" somewhere on his last drive. Fingerprints inside the car matched
those of one Lori Grody, a.k.a. Susan Blahovec and Cammie Marsh Greene,
wanted on a weapons charge. "Greene" had pawned possessions
belonging to several of the murder victims. All three names were aliases
for Aileen Carol Wuornos.
On 4 August, the body of Troy Burress was found by Highway 19 in Ocala
National Forest, eight miles from his abandoned truck. He had been killed
with two .22 shots to his chest and head. Another dead male showed up
in Marion County up on 12 September. This was Dick Humphreys (56), a protective
investigator from Florida's Department of Health and Rehabilitative Services.
Forensic experts dug six .22 slugs out of his body, and his car was found
later in Suwanee County. Victim number seven was Walter Gino Antonio (60),
a trucker and security guard found with four bullet wounds to his chest
on 19 November by a logging road in Dixie County. He had been dead less
than 24 hours and his car was discovered five days later across the state
in Brevard County.
Captain Steve Binegar, commander of the Marion County Sheriff's Criminal
Investigation Division, knew about the murders in Citrus and Pasco Counties
and was formulating a theory on noting the similarities. A serial killer
(or two) was at work here. Many members of the multi-agency task force,
now working with the FBI to clear the case, agreed with him. The perpetrator(s)
of these crimes had to be initially non-threatening to their victims.
They therefore must be women - specifically the two women who had wrecked
Peter Siems's car at Orange Springs in July and then fled the scene. Newspapers
in Florida ran stories about the multiple murders, along with police sketches
of the suspects.
Leads now came pouring in. Police at Port Orange, Daytona had been tracking
the movements of "Lee Blahovec" and Tyria Moore who had stayed
at the Fairview Motel in Harbor Oaks from September until mid-December
1990, before they separated. Florida police traced Tyria Moore and persuaded
her to turn state's evidence rather than be an accomplice to murder. She
furnished officers with enough information to stake out bars and clubs
in the Daytona Beach area in search of Aileen Wuornos.
At a seedy bikers bar known as The Last Resort, Mike Joyner and Dick Martin,
two undercover FBI officers posing as drug dealers from Georgia, finally
located their target. After chatting and drinking with Aileen on 5 January
1991, they suddenly flipped their badges on leaving the building and arrested
her on the firearm warrant to avoid undue publicity. (The female serial
killer(s) that preyed on male motorists was a major news item nationally
by now). Joyner and Martin also relieved Wuornos of her gun, and ballistics
experts soon established that it was indeed the murder weapon that had
been used in all seven killings. The 'Damsel of Death' case was building
to a conclusion.
The trial of Aileen Wuornos opened at Deland, Florida on 14 January 1992.
Although she had made a chilling videotaped confession to seven killings,
there was only one charge on the indictment - the first-degree murder
of Richard Mallory. Aileen's lawyers had engineered a plea bargain, in
which she would plead guilty to six charges and receive six consecutive
life terms. One state attorney, however, thought she should receive the
death penalty, so the trial proceeded.
Wuornos never denied State Prosecutor John Tanner's opening statement
to the jury: Mallory had picked her up, driven along Interstate 4 to Daytona
Beach where they had pulled off the road and had sex in the car before
Aileen shot Mallory and hid his body. Her claim was one of self-defence.
She said that Mallory had handcuffed her to the steering wheel, and was
brutally sexually assaulting her when she managed to pull her handgun
from her purse and shoot him. Aileen's attorney Tricia Jenkins said, "what
happened was bondage, rape, sodomy and degradation". But then Tyria
Moore testified that Wuornos had not seemed unduly upset or agitated when
she calmly told Moore that she had killed Mallory later that evening in
November 1989.
The state of Florida has a law known as the "Williams Rule"
that allows evidence relating to other crimes to be admitted in open court
if it helps to establish a pattern. Because of the Williams Rule, the
jury was told of Aileen's confession to six other murders, and shown the
videotape. A plea of self-defence now seemed improbable at best. On 27
January Judge Uriel Blount summed up and sent the jury off to deliberate.
They returned with a verdict of 'Guilty' less than two hours later. As
they filed out of the courtroom, Wuornos exploded with rage, shouting,
"I'm innocent! I was raped! I hope you get raped, you f****** scumbags
of America!"
Expert witnesses for the defence had testified that Wuornos was mentally
ill, suffered from borderline personality disorder and that her unstable
upbringing had stunted and ruined her. Jenkins referred to her client
as "a damaged, primitive child" as she pleaded for her life.
But on 31 January 1992, Judge Blount sentenced her to die in the state's
electric chair. On 31 March Wuornos pleaded 'no contest' to the murders
of Dick Humphreys, Troy Burress and David Spears, saying that she wanted
to "get right with God." When Judge Thomas Sawaya handed her
three more death sentences on 15 May, she gave him 'the finger' before
shouting, "Thank you! I will go to heaven, whilst you rot in hell,
motherf*****!"
For a time there was speculation that Wuornos might receive a new trial
for the murder of Richard Mallory. It transpired that Mallory had served
time for sexual violence in the 1970's and attorneys felt that jurors
might have seen the case differently had they known this fact. (It seemed
unfair that whilst the Williams Rule had allowed her crimes to be made
public, details of Mallory's offences had been suppressed). But no retrial
was forthcoming. John Tanner speculated later that Mallory might well
have assaulted Wuornos, but that after murdering him, she decided that
this was a good way to handle her clients. By killing them, she gained
their cash, credit cards and vehicles. At the trial, Tanner had said.
"She killed out of greed. No longer satisfied with twenty dollars,
she wanted it all. She wanted her victim's property and his life".
America's infamous "Damsel of Death" freely admitted that she
had hated men all her life; and may even have enjoyed killing them.
(Research: Aileen Wuornos by Marlee MacLeod, crimelibrary.com)
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