Something to offend everyone! 

While the UN is hunkered down in a month-long debate on whether to approve Article IV Sub-section 7.3 (d) of Hans Blix's hotel bill, the troop build up in the Gulf continues. We're on the road to Baghdad. This week we are the endangered species. Not the spotted owl.
The Irish scholar Luke Gibbons wrote that Ireland is a first-world country with a third-world memory. We are all, even the United States, prisoners of our history. For what it's worth, in April 1861 Abraham Lincoln had implored his countrymen not to go to war, with each other. To listen to the 'better angels' of their nature. They didn't. Three and half million men went to war. 620,000 died in it. As many as in all the rest of America's wars combined. Four years later, word of General Robert E Lee's surrender spread fast. A galloping rider shouted the good news to General Sherman's army in North Carolina, and one gleeful soldier bellowed back at him, "You're the son of a bitch we've been looking for all these four years."
A Union soldier, a country boy, said: "My shoes are gone, my clothes are gone, I'm weary, I'm sick, I'm hungry, my family have all been killed and scattered. And I've suffered all this for my country. I love my country. But if this war is ever over I'll be damned if I ever love another country."
Later, Sherman said: "I know what military fame is. It's dying on the field of battle and having your name spelt wrong in the newspapers."
Salman Rushdie wrote recently, "When war is ordered in the name of God you begin to think less well of the name of God." But if war is the answer, what the hell was the question?
*Two notable news items about the United Nations inform us that: 1) The newly elected chair of the UN Human Rights Commission is Libya. 2) In May, the presidency of the UN Conference on Disarmament will pass to Iraq.
*The Sukhumvit crunch site, which now resembles a collapsed wedding cake displayed in a mixed grill, is Thai politics in a nutshell. There was something to offend just about everyone. "Officers found involved in the blitz will be transferred to handle drug trafficking on the border," said the Defence Minister, Gen Thamarak In other words, this type of brute force is highly regarded but should be channeled into an area where it can wreak further havoc without anyone be able to see it being wreaked. Two things might happen as a result. The body count of dealers might go up, or the supply of drugs might increase. Punishing the leaders is like whacking a jellyfish. Come to think of it, it's amazing what little harm they do when one considers what opportunities they have.
One of the military officers allegedly involved in ordering the bulldozing said he'd been duped into the whole operation and had never been so insulted in his life.
Well, it's early yet.
*In the current crackdown on drugs, a couple of years back I wrote in this column what I still hold relevant today: "Crime is far too lucrative to be left to criminals. There is no need to look for adventurous outlaws who will reveal themselves by clumsiness or repetition. When a shipment of heroin arrives in Bangkok from the north to be exported through Klong Toey Port and the harbourmaster takes home Bt20,000 a month, we are looking at ourselves - at the harbourmasters ability to resist temptation on an unprecedented scale. And the harbourmaster's superior. At the Port police. And their superiors. At Customs officers and their superiors. Then the enforcers, the bankers, the lawyers, and administrators who are paid to look the other way. To imagine these people can synchronise their collaborative efforts without a central command and control system, and the active connivance from others in high places, is absurd."
To a convicted leader of a major drug syndicate who exclaimed, "As God is my judge - I am innocent!", a London barrister said: "He isn't, I am, and you're not." We live in hope.
*A Cambodian friend said it's all been a terrible misunderstanding. "We love the Thai corruption and the black economy, it's so sensible, so alternative. We always believed Bangkok would be the most popular city in the world from which to run a business if you could only get a telephone connected - so naturally the best thing about Bangkok was that you couldn't get a telephone connected."
Those who are skeptical of multiculturalism will have been heartened by the dizzying variety of local prejudices on display following the scenes in Cambodia. "The global village idea is universal hooey," he continued. "Multiculturalism is more like a global housing project where we all do our own thing and nobody knows their neighbours."
*Johnny Weissmuller broke 67 swimming records before retiring at 25, having never lost a race. He went on to play Tarzan in 19 films between 1932 and 1949, for which he was paid $100,000 per film, most of which, he said later, "I blew on boats, women, and good living." His advice to his successor as Tarzan was, "The main thing is, don't let go of the vine when you're swinging through the jungle."

By Roger Beaumont
  Available at Bookazine

Poisoned Pie in Essex

MURDER BY POISON is fairly common throughout the history of crime. But after several such murderers were convicted and hanged, a strict control of poisons was imposed in Britain in the 1920's. But this insidious and painful method of murder surfaced again in one famous case in 1982. The venue was the town of Westcliffe-on-Sea in Essex, a quiet suburb of Southend on the southeastern coast of England.
Michael and Susan Barber moved into 29 Osborne Road shortly after their marriage in 1970, when she already had a six months old daughter. They had two more children in spite of many quarrels but the marriage survived even though Susan left her husband on two occasions. Michael Barber was captain of a local pub darts team and one his players was one Richard Collins, a young man who lived with his wife only three doors away from the Barbers. Collins was considered a little na?ve by most but was a popular character around town and was particularly well liked by Mrs Christine Barber.
By 1981, their friendship had developed so well that Mrs Barber and Collins had a neat arrangement. After Michael Barber went to off work at a nearby cigarette factory at 5am, Collins would call at the house and hop into bed with Christine for a couple of hours before he also had to get to work. The adulterous couple also met for extra-marital sex on other occasions without Michael Barber being aware of what was going on.
Then on Saturday 23 May 1981 their seedy affair was discovered. Michael and a friend had left at 4am to go fishing in the Thames estuary and, as they drove away, Susan let her lover into the house. There was a strong wind along the river that morning, which cancelled out the fishing trip. Michael returned to the house just after 5am to find a terrified Richard Collins naked in the bedroom, trying desperately to pull on some clothes. In the matrimonial bed was Susan, also naked. It was a scene straight from a Whitehall farce. Michael Barber however did not see the funny side of it. He reacted physically, punching Collins in the mouth. He then struck his wife hard on the right ear with the side of his right hand. Collins fled and stayed away from Osborne Road for two weeks, living with his brother in Southend.
The blow to Susan's ear caused painful bruising, requiring medical attention. She and Michael seemed at first to have patched up their personal problems but within days were not even on speaking terms. The atmosphere in the house became increasingly tense, though they remained living together and communicating through their children.
On 4 June, Michael had a severe headache whilst at work. He was given tablets to combat the pain by a physician at the factory clinic. Two days later he developed severe stomach pains and was violently sick. His wife called the doctor who prescribed an antibiotic and a linctus, but his condition continued to deteriorate. Michael was then dispatched to Southend General Hospital by ambulance.
Michael Barber grew progressively worse and within three more days was moved into intensive care, placed on a ventilator and sedated. Tests suggested that he was suffering from Goodpastures Syndrome, a rare disease, and on 17 June he was moved to Hammersmith Hospital in west London where specialist treatment is available for kidney ailments. In spite of the increased medical care, however, he remained critically ill.
Susan had been visiting her husband at Southend Hospital and when she was informed that he was dangerously ill with a low chance of survival, she took the news quite calmly. Meanwhile doctors at Hammersmith were unable to diagnose Michael's illness until the question of paraquat poisoning was raised by the registrar in respiratory medicine. The consultant physician gave instructions that blood and urine samples were to be sent to the national Poisons Reference Centre at New Cross Hospital in south London for analysis. But due to an unfortunate administrative error, the samples were not in fact sent to New Cross. When the doctor concerned made a follow-up enquiry, he was fobbed off by hospital staff suddenly keen to cover their mistake. He was told that the tests had been negative.
Michael Barber died on 27 June 1981, and his wife was telephoned with the news. The death certificate gave the cause of death as cardiac arrest, renal (kidney) failure and bilateral pneumonia. A post-mortem examination was fixed for the following Tuesday. Professor David Evans supervised the post-mortem, which was carried out by Dr Peter O'Brien. The major organs were removed and, after samples had been taken for special examination, the organs were placed in a labelled bucket, filled with formalin, a preserving fluid. This was placed in the ante-room of the mortuary. No firm conclusions were reached; though the pathologists still felt that the findings suggested paraquat poisoning.
The body of Michael Barber was cremated at Southend Crematorium on 3 July 1981. Richard Collins attended the ceremony with Mrs Barber and he was seen crying when the mourners went back to Osborne Road where Susan served food and drinks. Abandoning his own wife, Collins moved in to live with her that night. They were together for six weeks until Susan met another man at their regular 'boozer' (public house) who soon replaced Collins in her affections. The new lover moved in, and Richard was ordered out.
Meanwhile at Hammersmith Hospital doctors examined the histology slides of the organ samples taken from Michael Barber's corpse. They concluded from these microscopic findings that the dead man had ingested toxin, most probably paraquat. It was then decided to hold a clinical conference into the whole history of the case.
In October 1981 Susan Barber reaped the financial benefits of her husband's death. She received £15,000 in death benefit plus a refund of pension contributions for each of her three children. This enabled her to expand her social life, and soon another regular at the pub moved in with her at Osborne Road. When Susan told her latest paramour that Richard Collins owed her money, the man decided to act as a debt collector for her. Following an angry exchange, the man brutally assaulted Collins and was later arrested, tried and given a custodial sentence for the crime.
Susan meantime bought a CB radio and became well known on the local airwaves. She had a somewhat warped sense of fidelity, and soon met another man, known to the police for drug offences and 'black magic' rituals. Besides drinking parties, there were now 'blue' video shows held at the Barber house where her new lover also took up residence.
Towards the end of January 1982, doctors and experts at Hammersmith Hospital had concluded their clinical examination in the Barber case. They noted that no examination had been carried out by the National Poisons Unit because the samples had never been sent there as instructed. Samples of tissue from the major organs, still lying in the bucket in the mortuary eight months later were now sent to ICI Ltd, the makers of paraquat.
The results were conclusive: paraquat was found in both the serum and the tissue. On 15 February 1982 a consultant at the Royal Post Graduate Medical School forwarded a letter to the Southend Coroner and the local police informing them that Michael Barber had died painfully from a deadly poison.
Detective Chief Inspector John Clarion of the Essex Police now took charge of the case. He was faced with some difficulties because of the delays and errors that had been made. The whole history of Michael Barber's illness had to be researched and everyone concerned - doctors, nurses, analysts, laboratory technicians and porters - had to be interviewed and all the scientific tests repeated. Professor James Cameron then looked at all the evidence and made a forensic judgement of the histology samples. He agreed with the conclusions of all previous experts. This was a clear case of murder.
Meantime, the police were gathering a mass of damming evidence against Christine Barber. Richard Collins quickly admitted that he had been told by Mrs Barber of her intention to murder her husband. She had once even asked him to cut the hydraulic brake lines on Michael's car. He also recalled being present when the two of them returned from Hammersmith Hospital when Susan, having been asked by the medical staff about poison, poured the contents of her husband's medicine bottle down the kitchen sink.
Finally, Susan Barber confessed. She told police that she resented her husband finding her with Collins on the day of the ill-fated fishing trip and resolved then to end their marriage. She admitted that one evening she had put Gromoxone (a weed-killer) into her husband's meal of steak and kidney pie, and then watched him eat it. When nothing happened immediately she gave him another dose, and, soon afterwards, when he had been prescribed medicine for his sore throat, she gave him some more - in the medicine. She had found the Gromoxone in the garden shed, where her husband had stored it after working for a landscape gardening company.
On Monday, 5 April 1982, Susan Barber and Richard Collins were arrested and charged with conspiracy to murder. They appeared in the dock at Chelmsford Crown Court before Mr Justice Woolfe the following November. Both pleaded guilty. Collins, on whose behalf strong evidence of good character was given, was sentenced to two years imprisonment.
Susan Barber maintained that she had had no intention of killing her husband but "just wanted him to suffer as I have suffered." In sentencing her to life imprisonment (ten years) for the murder of Michael Barber, Mr Justice Woolfe said, "I cannot think of a more evil way of disposing of a human being."
(Research: 'Poisoned Pie, the Barber Case' by Tom Tullett, Grafton Books)

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